Slimming retouch services online

"There's lots to lose, isn't there!! Please do an extreme slimmimg makeover on me, and also make me look about five years younger. I was once very trim and regular looking, and intend getting back to that state. Please do the following: i) Take all the extra fat and bulges off my face and neck; ii) Fix the 'thinning' hair; iii) Remove the redness from my face; iv) Put me in a collared t-shirt; v) Remove background in photo.